Do you remember that one friend from high school who was always falling for the latest fad? Who was always cosying up to the latest ‘cool kid’? Who never seemed to have an opinion that was her own?
It’s easy to identify when other people are giving away their power. But it’s much harder to see it when we are. Yet most of us are giving our power away in some form or another, even if we don’t realise it.
Why do we give away our power?
There are many reasons that we do this and there are endless variables. I feel like they all boil down to feeling insecure, not wanting to take responsibility for ourselves, and craving acceptance from others.
For example, say we want to feel part of the group, not an outcast, not the odd one – we want to fit in. So we reach for the newest diet, fashion, language, whatever, and push ourselves aside. We want that girl or guy to like us so much that we give them our power by doing what they want, saying what we think they want to hear, and acting how they want us to act … All in the crazy hope that we’ll be accepted, that we will be loved.
Who are we giving away our power to?
Sometimes friends, parents, family members. Sometimes our partners. Sometimes to the person you are crushing on. Sometimes to the latest guru, author or celebrity we’re infatuated with.
We can also be giving away our power to things.
Whether it’s putting all our energies into accumulating a killer shoe collection. Or the latest diet that is suddenly defining who we are and how we spend our time.
Seriously, when the brand of your handbag is the definition of who are you, then you have given your power, and measured your self-worth by an accessory, honey! Newsflash: it is a bag, nothing more or less, and it is certainly not who you are. It sounds SO obvious, doesn’t it? But sometimes we feel we won’t measure up because we don’t have the latest fashions. This is a beautiful, clear sign about your self-confidence.
What does it look like when we’re giving away our power?
Not wanting to make a decision without consulting your friend/philosophy/diet plan. The constant need for approval from someone else. Not trusting your instincts or your own style. Second-guessing yourself. Always looking outside of yourself for the answers, for validation.
So how do we take our power back?
If you think you need to reclaim your power and stand tall, there are some simple steps you can take.
Get really clear on your values and on what’s important to you. From here you can check in and see if what you are doing is in line with your values.
YOU and you alone are for responsible for yourself. It’s all on you. Let go of blaming others, this just means you are not owning your shit. Don’t play the victim role, lovely: it’s completely disempowering and means you have no control over your life. When you’re stuck in that space, your life will never be how your want it and you will not get to live the life you really want to. Start connecting with yourself and really getting to know who you are and completely accepting YOU. You deserve to live a life of authenticity and the world wants you to step up and be your amazing self.
Take your power back. Put on like that dress or jeans that you love. Put it on because it is YOU. It’s your essence. It’s your light, your guide. Own it, feel into it. Stand tall, open heart, smiling face towards the sun. Breathe in love, breathe out all those ‘not enoughs’. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Always. Always. Every day. All day. I want you to know that for certain.
Ask yourself ‘Am I choosing love or fear right now?’ Then take a deep breath and feel into your heart. Trust me when I say you will know. You will feel it, it will feel disempowering or it will feel empowering. Then little dove, it is your choice.
Challenge your self-talk. Does your inner critic get going, telling you you are not enough? That without the clothes, expensive makeup you are nothing? Honey, I get it. I’ve been there. And I had the unhealthy credit card debt to prove it. Again, I invite you to tune inwards, catch that inner critic and question her. Set her straight, goddamn it. Thanks but no thanks. This takes time, but keep going, because it gets easier and I promise that with time, your self-talk gets kinder, gentler and positive. Uplifting even.
I pose two question for you to ponder.
Who or what are you giving away your power to? What steps can you take to reclaim your power and live from your truth?
Now darling, it is over to you. Go and take those steps to live your one beautiful life with unconditional love and self acceptance knowing and feeling at a deep cellular level that you are worthy. You are enough.
Jo Kendall
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- Are you giving away your power? - September 7, 2016
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